My Decision 6

Been a while.  I have been thinking a lot about my decision.. Or better still rethinking.

Before, I believed that my decision was  inspired by what  I knew was  God’s plan. However.. It seems.. I have been pursuing my decision  more than  God.

It’s so much a thin  line that I find it difficult differentiating.

I am really uncertain on the  days ahead.. I still ask will my dreams come true? … But I reckon  that’s not  a question I should be asking.. Rather I need to be living as God wants me to live… Like  I never had the dream at all… Like I never made this decision..

My heart cries out.. My body yearns for that intimacy so much that  sometimes I sacrifice the very love of my life.

My decision is not the problem.. I am the problem…. To wait does not mean to pause my whole life.. But that is what  I did…

My decision is not the  problem.. My heart is.. It does not know its true love.. So it loves others much better than my Him…

My decision is not the problem. My body is…. Craving for what I can’t get… Seeking what does not belong to me… Chasing after pleasures that are beyond me..

My decision is not the problem for my decision… My decision not to doubt,  to  continue and to wait…  NO MATTER WHAT…

This is hard…

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