The journey – I stayed

2008;

Good bye is what I said to a bit of my past.

Ready for war I stepped to freedom, knowing that my past had drawn the battle line.

I was to lay low, as low as a long 2 to 3 year wait till I am found by him.

2009;

It begun much faster than I expected so I sort to prayer.

“It has to be your choice Lord, if you don’t make it, I won’t” So I didn’t.

It was easy, not painful.  Enjoying every moment of God making the choice.

“This is far easier than they make it seem” So I thought.

2010;

It was settled. For me, the choice had been made. 

I searched the bible, anything to lock up the settlement… nothing really just the single peace in my heart and many confirmations I received because I won’t fully trust.

Locked up, I was in the journey of mistakes, as I begun to close up because it was settled.

Well this is not a journey of mistakes but a journey of learning: that I wish to share.

2011,

Nothing seemed to be growing in this area. 

Wondering if I heard right. 

But understanding totally the need for silence.

I stayed.

2012,

Hearts shuttered. 

Word clearly spoken. 

He didn’t want me. 

I was better for someone else.

I stayed.

2013,

Lost, not sure where I was

I journeyed into womanhood. 

Fighting against the urge to be the faithful, humble wife. 

Ready to champion the need for domestic men.

Fight broken. 

Eyes opened

to the very heart of God knowing that being humble is simply pleasing God.

2014,

God is important to an than anything else so I swallow my pride and begin to learn 

No man will love me I told myself because I am too strong willed 

until I studied Prov 31.10

then I knew …

I knew.. 

MY imperfection was necessary to make who I am.

I am rare gem because I am imperfect 

so i stayed.

2015,

I begin to see the picture

because of God I can be humble because I prefer Him to no other.

I see myself through His eyes and I can only be accepted through him

So I learn, I open up and I learn

Cherishing Him even when I don’t feel cherished

Being His ambassador when no one represent me 

Loving all He stands for when no one loves mine

Cheering for Him even when no one cheers for me

Picking my cross to begin the endurance journey.

2016,

Too long…

Too long my heart cried out

When will it be?

He said, I see it all wait, pray, wait.

You don’t understand. Implementing these things made it worse. 

I depended more on Him than on God

I waited for the day than for God.

I pined for him more than for God

Wrong equation. was not supposed to be like this.

I took a step back…watched… learned… watched.

Strength came, independence begun but nothing changed.

December… my heart was tearing apart. What had I gotten my self into… I wanted out.

Settle so I step out.

Thank God for wise 

So I stayed.

2017,

“I know what.is going on. I see … everyday look to my face… each day is a day closer…”

So sweet… but anxiety grows stronger but I keep learning

Then, no …. I don’t want this… He really doesn’t want me…

Tears, tears and bucket full otears

Wasted years

Broken heart 

Betrayed!!! Totally betrayed 

Move on…everything shouted, move on…

I stayed, broken hearted

I stay, uncertain, bruised 

I will stay

Because He holds my future, He knows it all

He sees it all

He has tomorrow better planned.

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