It’s a new year

So many of us have made a decision to take new steps in this year on various issues in my life.

Well, I have too, and I feel very positive about it. It may still feel uncertain but I know it’s the best.

God knows you and knows what is ahead and He clearly knows how to help you achieve your new plans, only if you will let him step in with you.

So let’s enjoy 2018 with God right by our side. He sees all we do, He hears all we say. Our God listens all the time.

HAPPY New Year!!!

And oh! Did I tell you, I rekindled an old friendship?😊

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Careful

Totally rejected

Shattered

broken…

Love unrequited

Trust broken

beyond repair

No sympathy

No concern

No care shown

might as well suffer cos I didn’t ask you.

Friendship lost

Real picture of friendship seen

Lost as though dead

Sharp pain pierces my heart

Been used and done with

Trust broken

What is friendship

Tears well up

Dulled pain awakens

Stings at every given opportunity

Out of sight… more like right in mind

pain, sharp, sharp, constantly staring me when I wake

Totally rejected

Shattered, broken

Careful!!!

I am a broken reed.

Dear Husband

Chapter 1

Mofe stared blankly ahead of him as Nse walked on never taking a single look back. Tears streamed down his eyes but he couldn’t bring himself to call her. Nse disappeared into the atmosphere. Mofe’ s eyes opened wide as Nse disappeared.

“Nse!!!” “Nse!!!” Mofe called out as he suddenly woke up from bed. He looked around him and realised his surroundings. Jumbo stirred in her sleep but did not get up.

“Who is Nse?”, she asked. Mofe why do you scream another woman’s name like she took something from you.

“Jumbo, please it’s too early this morning for your interrogation” Mofe retorted as he swung his legs from the bed.

Raising herself abruptly to a sitting position, Jumbo looked mortified.

“Mofe Shola Adigum I an your wife, if you scream another woman’s name in your sleep I should be worried”

Mofe was confused, this was the 3rd time this year he was having the same dream about Nse since Jumbo started giving him sleepless nights. What was happening to him now? He had not seen Nse for 9 years and hadn’t spoken to her much in that period. He was too confused to listen to Jumbo’ s winning.

“I will be in the study, I want to do my quiet time” More picked his bible and left the bedroom.

Jumbo sighed heavily and shook her head. She had tears in her eyes as she watched Mofe walk out of the room.

Chapter 2

Mawutor looked closely at Mofe and knew immediately that something was wrong.

“Ma guy, let’s have a drink at the cafeteria”

“Mawutor, I am not in the mood for drinks, I just want to finish this project and head home”

“Mofe Shola, I know you better than you think. Let’s talk about it.” Mawutor snatched Mofe’ s pen and pulled him off his chair. Mofe reluctantly followed Mawutor out of his office.

“When was the last time you spoke to Nse?”

“I haven’t spoken to her in about a year or two, besides you know Nse. She never wanted anything to do with me. Guy, I am married now why am I having tearful dreams about her?”

“Have you prayed about it?”

“Well, I didn’t take it seriously before, but now that it’s showing up again… I probably should do so. You know o thought I had dealt with my love for her”

” Obviously you didn’t, my understanding of the dream is that she is far away from you and keeps moving far, but your heart still yearns for her”

“But how? I love Jumbo”

“Are you sure? are you guys okay the two of you”

Mofe bowed his head silently and shook his head, “Mawutor I don’t know, something is wrong and I can’t place my finger on it”

Mawutor placed his hand on Mofe’ s shoulder. “It is well, just don’t start getting any funny ideas. We will pray about it ok?”

Stolen waters

“Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.”
Proverbs 9:17 ESV
https://bible.com/bible/59/pro.9.17.ESV

That’s exactly how I felt Friday night from 9pm to 2.54am, Saturday morning.

I have always been particular about males. I always see males, especially grown men as babies that need gentle care.

From JSS1, one guy at a time I became a best friend and gave all my time and love. I confused many cos I loved too much more than just a friend.

Most of these threw me away when they felt they were ok or tired of what I had to offer. But I never stopped loving my friends.

Then I started loving… I loved the first for 3 years only to realise later that someone loved me the same period but I couldn’t love him back.

The second I love for 9 years and still do, only to realise someone loves me for the same amount of time and still does.

In a season when you are hurting, love from another feels like heaven… but you just know that accepting that love is just being wicked as the one who doesn’t love you back.

This is stolen waters… because that love does not belong to you. Someone accepted my love and never gave any back. I am not about to do the same to someone else.

Another child of God who also needs care and love.

I will care for you

I will pray for you

I will bare you up before our Father.

but…

I don’t know if I can love you…

New Us #2

WP_20170922_13_47_52_ProYusuf had just finished praying and slowly closed his bible.

“Holy Spirit have mercy on me, please help me find my way back. Its been so quiet without you and now nothing is working.  I am sorry… But I thought I was to love my wife?”

“Not more than me Yusuf”

Yusuf beamed in smiles, jumped up and screamed “You spoke, you spoke. Thank you Holy Spirit”

“I am a jealous God, my glory I share with no one”

“I am sorry, I am now beginning to understand where I went wrong, please don’t take her away from me. I want to make it right” Yusuf looked very worried.

“I will help  you. I always have and I always will”

“Thank you Father, thank you Holy Spirit. Ho else can I have but you” He stepped inside the room.

Yusuf was at their village home, the one he had built in Xorlali’s hometown for their annual vacation. He loved the Volta region. Xorla’s village has some peace and quiet that he yearned for. He had never come here without her. He knew she will not be happy to know he came here alone, but this was necessary if their marriage was to survive.

Things had not been okay for the past year and the recent 6 months its been getting worse.It was no more Xorlali and him, now his work performance was suffering and this was affecting output and revenue. He was on the brink of being sacked for making his quota 3 months consecutively.This the reason why he had to boycott his anniversary and hide away with God. Anything to prove to God that he was serious this time.

He should have needed the prompting years ago. He would have been able to salvage a lot today, but then again, Yusuf couldn’t be more grateful for God grace. What bothered him was how he was going to change his routine around Xorla and explain to her what has been happening without she feeling like she stood between him and God. He caused all this.

Yusuf had grown up in a home where his mother was constantly realised by his father. She had been neglected on birthdays, anniversaries etc. She was  no different from a maid and she had no confidence. He had vowed after he became born again to be particular about women. Part of that vow was to ensure his wife was his best friend and celebrate very occasion with and for her.

“I think over did it” Yusuf muttered to himself. He started packing, it was time to return to home. He definitely needed to sit with Xorla and explain to  her why he ditched their anniversary. He was however dreading going to sit in that long queue at the volta river. There was some work ongoing at the Adome bridge that  went across the river, so now all cars and humans needed to be transported across the river on the Pontoon. One could be at the bank of the river for hours before it was time to cross.

He will probably get a mini bus and cross over on foot on the Pontoon. He will find a mini bus on the pontoon going home, that will be simpler.

“Xorla, you will have to forgive me, but I pray you understand” he zipped his bag.

New Us #1

WP_20170922_13_47_52_Pro

Xorlali opened her eyes to the lights streaming from her glass windows.

“Who left the blinds open” she thought to herself as she kissed her teeth and swang her legs off the king sized bed. The very one Yusuf insisted on buying for their 6th wedding anniversary, last year.

“What waste of money?” She closed the blinds and then remembered she had fallen asleep whiles reading the day before. She dragged her feet to the sink to brush her teeth. Today was going to be tough to get through. It was the morning of thier 7th Anniversary.

Yusuf Freeman proposed to Xorlali Adjo when they were completing their final year in University of Cape Town. Yusuf got a job in Johannesburg immediately. The company paid for all his resettlement cost and afforded him teh luxury of marrying Xorlali at the Rivers Church in Sandton. It was a beautiful ceremony but today Xorlali was exhausted and wished this day will not come.

You know what they say about the stages in marriage … She wondered if they will make it past this 7th year. Things were not as they were supposed to be. She had taken a leave as always from Wednesday to prepare for this anniversary weekend. She had been praying in the past days that the Lord will perhaps allow them see a good anniversary this year.

Two days before today, she rushed home excitedly to tell Yusuf that she got her leave. This time she had everything planned, it was her turn to plan and she had the perfect place in mind… They will go back home; Ghana!!!

“I forgot to tell you… I have an out of town meeting beginning this Thursday…”

“What? Yusuf, stop joking please”

“I am not joking Adjo. I am sure we can plan for some other time” Yusuf packed his laptop and went straight to the room without looking back even once.

To Xorlali, it was a confirmation… Something was not right.

Now just before you go ahead and start speculating, Xorlali and Yusuf loved each other too much it made many around them envious. They were never seen apart from each other. They went together for lunch almost everyday within the week. They will either meet at Yusuf’s office or Xorlali’s which were both on the Eglin road in Sandton. It was either the two of them or none of them at all; not to Church, work, parents home, friends or their small group meetings. They were always seen together.

In the past 6 months their home had suddenly become unwelcoming. Nothing had changed with how they treated each other but something was not right. This was why Xorlali hoped their 7th anniversary vacation will definitely spice things up again but it seemed that was not going to happen.

Xorlali quickly rinsed her mouth as she realised she had been staring at the mirror the whole 30 minutes just thinking. She sighed heavily as she walked to her desk, picked up her bible and walked to her bed.

She propped up the pillows for her back support and closed her eyes, she had no choice… but to do her quiet time.

Best not better

Recently I shared with you my heart on dance.

Well here is a bit about my heart.

You see anytime I thought about love, I thought about a husband and a wife, then Christ and His bride (the church). I always knew there is more to what the world teaches us. Over the years I tried to love to the best of my ability, but now I am gunning for something else.

When I learnt about Christ and His love for the church, I had some level of understanding. I realised that modelling Christ’s love for the church makes loves so much easier than we make it.

Here are a few things painful things I learn from Christ love to His bride (the church)

  • Love could be and mostly has constant disappointments: the church of today is not necessarily modelling the life Christ came to live on earth. Most of the time are actions bring grief his heart as a groom, but guess what, His word says “nothing” separates us from his love.
  • Love involves pain, pain that could be destrcutive or building especially for the one who loves most: Because Christ loves us, He gets a lot of pain from us because we constantly do not reciprocate his love and we do this by our numerous ungodly behaviuor towards fellow humans and to him.
  • Love is sacrificing … I am sure you do not need an explanation to this.
  • Love supports: We as Christians are called to stand for God and for His purpose by so doing we show our love for Christ and what He stands for.

There are more … but recently I am learning to love through tough pain. Where everything in your shouts fight back and you choose not to because of love. That is what Christ teaches.

Learning to live through a wounded heart can be very devastating .. but when you have lived through it, there is strength and there is much gain.

I am finding a place in God that I should have found a long time ago. As painful as it is, I am glad I am finding it now. Better late than never right?

I have a picture of love in my mind’s eye. I have seen it in the scriptures and I have observed it from people. I now know its time to want best and settle for better. So I am on a journey to finding God’s best. Whatever that means, I await God’s interpretation. He who owns the manual of life, knows how to spice it up.

I am on a journey… here is my hand Lord… Lead me out of the village!!!

I am gunning for BEST not just better 🙂

Resonating with my core

Here I was seated in front of the television watching the Olympics back in the 1990s. Gymnastics were my favorite sport. I always wondered how they could move, turn and keep their balance like that. Then I began to see the duets, ice skating and ballet and I thought to myself, “if I were in America, I will definitely go to a dance school”. I dreamt of Julliard. 🙂 yeah I did. But I just knew I won’t get in 😦

Dance to me, is something I can’t describe… Anytime I think about dance, the idea of moving, completing techniques which resonates with your very core was pretty much amazing to me. It was surprising to see how so much can be said in a dance move. I loved it, I still love it and I will continue to.

I started dancing in Junior High School i.e. in 2000, I just happened to join an already existing group, I had no chance of joining because I was not called at the beginning. When I found them, I did not know how I will join, so I kept loitering around until one day, the teacher asked me to join in. They were already far gone in the routines so I needed to work harder than anybody else. I loved it. I enjoyed it, bruises and all. I loved the fact I will finish a rehearsal and go like “Aww my thighs hurt” hahaha. Then, I knew I had really put in much.

Then it ended.

2003/2004, A youth group in CCC, Kumasi came to my Secondary School to help with a program. Once again, I did not know of this and did not know when people were recruited for this. They were preparing a dance to “I believe I can fly”. I asked if I could get in, and they said they were okay with the number and no one else was needed. 😦 I cried… so much that I was allowed in. Then the d-day started to draw near and they started talking about costumes.

“White trousers everyone”, the instructor said

Where was I going to get that in a boarding school? I knew it that again, I was going to be kicked out. It was like I never hard it easy getting into the things I really wanted to do. Just before I could let the tears flow again … there she was, Regina.

Regina was my senior in secondary and she had become like my god-mother. She had gotten me white trousers. My chance was here. For the first time since I came to school I could be part of a full dance piece. That started me up in dance in Secondary School. I started dancing till everyone knew I was synonymous to dance. 🙂 I was encouraged on, because any new person who came to teach arts saw something in me that I did not see in myself. I was afraid of new techniques. And for this I will always thank God for Louis Lamis who pushed me in dance, drama and stage directing. Thanks Judge, hahahahaha.

Four years in the University was exciting; acting and dancing were my dream.. I loved them. I spent almost all those four years with Mass Theatre dancing, at least 3 hours a day. These were exciting times.

Now you remember I enjoyed watching the gymnastics, ballet, duets etc? well I still had that yearning. Anytime I saw a duet, a lift, a turn, my heart sunk… “why couldn’t that be me?” I will silently cry and conclude… “this may never be me”. I shared it with a few people who cared to listen and one day… I had the opportunity.

Mass Theatre was starting poetry ministrations and the Vice President had decided to add a duet since this was towards a relationship seminar. Since he was one of the people who heard me talk about my intense yearning for lifts and turns, He handed me the opportunity and “this is your chance, find a partner and let’s see what you can do”.

hahahaha, ahahha, hahahah, I was elated. This was during Intellecto 2008 and I had no clue who to pick as dance partner. By Sunday when we were about leaving KNUST campus, I had no partner. Some Tech guys had come around to help Mass Theatre that year and one was a genuis at duets, lifts and turns so I asked him to teach me. He started, then stoped and said “Edem you need to pick a partner, then I teach both of you”, So I had no choice but to look for one asap. I definitely wasn’t going to be doing a duet alone.

I looked around and there was him and him. hahaha, yeah I know .. you are wondering who they are. Well, I needed to pick someone to be my partner. Someone I could trust totally. I knew my first choice a bit and nothing about my second choice but definitely I couldn’t be sure about the trust part for any of them. You should obviously understand why the second was my second… cos I did not know him, I knew nothing about whether he could move or not and I wasn’t sure if I could take that chance.

My first choice, I knew, but he was hipoppy… Seemed rigid at the time…Everyone knew him for one dance style. That was the toughest chance. Was not sure, if I could go with that. I needed someone adventurous who could break routine and jump into something else… soo.. as much as I wanted my first choice, 🙂 I took a dangerous chance and chose my second.

My stardum days begun… hahahaha.. never mind me…

Well that begun 2 to 3 years of duets on Legon campus, something we were used to seeing from Tech now became a real possibility in Legon and guess what, I was in the centre of all of it.

😦 Now, here am I after 2010, My dance partner goes off to school outside the country, I can’t seem to do any more duets and my first choice (you remember him), well he didn’t seem too interested (wasn’t his style).

A void was created and a sharp wound followed. I have tried to live on without it and look forward to other dance forms, but anytime I delve into my core… I know that the very part that made my core resonate with dance was missing. Nursing my wounds that just won’t heal.. it always feels so much painful like a heart break.

There is no possibility in sight for me to get into that space again… but a part of me has not lost hope. I love contemporary dance, hope to be back on my feet with that and possibility get into lifts, turns and duets again.

Until then, I hope this pain resonating through my core, does not drown me.

A wounded dancer… 😦